Bottle: Handy glass device for keeping the wine in one place, and for stopping it from getting on the carpet. Also the act of placing newly made wine into such a device.
Brewing The turning of sugar into alcohol. Generally reserved as a term for refering to beer.
Campden Tablets : Miraculous tablets that one simply has to add to
wine. Apparently they prevent the growth of micro organisms (or something).
Carbon Dioxide : Gas farted by yeast in its efforts at producing alcohol.
Cellar : Any collection of one or more (preferably vintage (qv)) bottles of wine.
Champagne : Any lightish, whitish wine that is sparkling.
Cider : Fizzy, alcoholic drink made from apples, using only the sugar contained therein. (As distinct from apple wine,
where additional sugar is added, and different rituals employed)
Clearing : The art and science of making wine not murky using assorted
tricks, rituals and paraphenalia.
Corks: Those things that stop the wine falling out of the bottles. Available in plastic and original cork flavour. The art of forcing corks into bottles in the first place is known as corking and involves a mysterious device known as a corking
machine, also known (in more pretentious circles) as a flogger.
Decanting : The act and art of pouring wine from one vessel into another. Often accompanied by much posturing and pretentiousness. A candle is sometimes also employed.
Demi-John : A large glass jar of around a gallon's capacity. What exactly a `john' is, no-one knows. A semi-demi-john is called a "winchester" (obviously).
Dessert Wine : Any especially sweet wine. Generally used as an excuse to keep drinking after the meal is over. See also aperitif.
Distilling : The science of making wine stronger than it has any right to be. Easy in theory, difficult in practise. Consider also that it is (a) illegal, and (b) quite likely to cause you serious un-health.
Dry : Not sweet, in the same way that "cold" means "not hot".. (qv sugar))
Enzyme : Ask a biochemist about it.
Fermentation : The act of the sugar turning into alcohol. Also the art of
persuading it to do so.
Filtering : The act of forcing wine through a filter with the intention of seperating it from its gunk.
Finings : Anything added to a wine after fermentation has ceased with the intention of causing the crap therein to sink to the
bottom of the demi-john (qv), thus facilitating racking and clearing.
Flogger: A contraption for forcing corks (against their will) into wine bottles.
Food Colouring : Can be employed to make your wine a more interesting colour. The look on someones face when a deep blue liquid emerges from a bottle harmlessly marked 'apple' is something worth remembering.
Fortification : The act of chucking in things like brandy and vodka. Motives for doing this are generally questionable, but can be justified with experienced bluffing, e.g by calling it blending.
Gin : The best drink in the world according to the gospel of Alec. Can be made badly with a kit (qv)
GlassesGlasses: Useful devices for transporting wine from the bottle to the mouth.
Grain : Barley, rye, wheat etc that is added to must to increase body. Will often make the resulting wine kick like brandy.
Heater : Gadget for warming demi-johns, thus keeping the yeast happy. A similar-looking device can be bought in Ann Summers. Also avalible in boring tray form.
Ullage : Archaic term meaning the air at the top of a demi-john. Only in this glossary `cos Tom likes the word.
Whiskey : The Water of Life. The best drink in the world as preached by Tom.
Wine flies : Also known as Vinegar flies. Irritating little creatures that drown in your airlocks (qv). If they get into the wine, rummour has it they will transform it into vinegar.
Vermouth : The second best drink in the world. Can be made very well with a kit (qv).
Vinegar : Any indescribably bad wine.
Vintage: The time when the wine was made. In the real world, this is the year... In our world it is the month. Also: any wine bottled more than two months ago is described as "vintage".
Yeast : A plant that motivates religious behaviour. Numerous rituals are
performed to promote its happiness and well-being. It eats sugar and creates alcohol. It is thus the centre of attention of all your efforts.