The Art of Pretentiousness.

Pretentiousness is an art form in much the same way as sarcasm, and like any art form the true test lies in the criticism. Anyone can put on some flashy clothes and claim to be pretensious, but unless someone then describes you as wielding an air of ostentatious superiority, you just haven't got the knack.

To undertake a complete study of the subject would be uncharacteristic and even dangerous for this page. Wars have started this way. We can however highlight a few relevant essentials.

As outlined above, it's not what you do, but how you describe it. A wine is not red, it is the colour of a shephard's sunset. A cheese never smells of old socks, it is mature, like a discussion on the latest war atrocities. A selection of examples can be found in the tasting section.

Pretensious criticism then is a string of outrageously unlikely similies. Drawing a comparison between cheese and war atrocities can only be done in the full flight of pretensiousness, and should not be attempted by the novice. Beginners should perhaps start by comparing things to household objects, or to types of music. A cheese could thus be mature like grandfather's pipe, or a Beethoven symphony.